LISTEN HERE, OKAY? My relationship with Gerald - my mailman of SEVEN YEARS - is completely DESTROYED because of Minecraft and nobody understands the gravity of this situation!

I'm building this MASSIVE 400x400 block castle, right? Eighteen-hour building sessions, placing cobblestone at 2 AM like my life depends on it. But then I start seeing EVERYTHING in blocks. The sidewalk? Concrete blocks. Gerald's mail truck? Obviously iron blocks and leather seats.

So Gerald shows up Tuesday morning and I'm looking at him through my window after a marathon Minecraft bender, and I swear on my diamond pickaxe, I thought he was a VILLAGER. The similarities are UNCANNY! The walking pattern! The way he carries items from house to house! IT'S THE EXACT SAME BEHAVIORAL PATTERN.

I may have accidentally opened my door and tried to TRADE with him. I had wheat in my hand and kept making expectant clicking noises waiting for the trade interface. Gerald just stood there with my electric bill looking at me like I'd lost my mind.

But it gets WORSE. The next day I panicked because I thought he'd despawn if I didn't interact properly, so I BUILT A LITERAL TRADING POST on my front lawn. Out of cardboard boxes. At 3 AM. With flashlights duct-taped to sticks as torches.

Gerald hasn't made eye contact since! He leaves mail on the trading post and backs away slowly. I tried explaining villager mechanics and NPC relationship protocols, but that made it WORSE.

Now he won't even deliver to my door! Just leaves packages at the driveway like I'm some hostile mob! And YES, I built a replica village in my backyard, but that's COMPLETELY UNRELATED to Gerald!

Seven years of friendship, GONE. All because I couldn't separate block-based reality from actual reality. Thanks a lot, Notch